And, yet, onward.
If I knew 6 months ago what the next 6 months would bring, I wouldn’t have quit my job that felt like a second home.
If I knew 6 months ago that school would be cancelled indefinitely(?) I would have told you that simply is not possible.
And if I knew 6 months ago that hugging someone would be off limits, or getting a haircut would be risky, I would have bought more TP.
Like so many, I’ve struggled lately. I’ve questioned everything. Worried about things I can and can’t control. Where will I find my first client? Will the intense ups and downs get easier and WILL I be able to raise the money I need when only 2.8% of VC funding goes to women? [Please someone tell me that number is wrong.]
If I knew all of this 6 months ago, would I have kept going?
Thank GOD I didn’t know, 6 months ago, that my beautiful, healthy-until-this-moment 10 year old had a brain tumor growing big enough to finally make itself known and drive us into the darkest, strangest sea of hell on Jan 6, 2020. She is now thriving, thanks to our phenomenal surgeon and entire “brain tumor care team” — a Lizzo-loving child life rockstar, nurses who cared for us as if we were their own, an entire Fairfax police department who told us about their favorite Disney princesses (they were all men), a magician, the resident therapy dog, and our friends and families who wrapped us in a blanket of love that truly changed me forever. <3
What’s my point?
We don’t know what things will look like 6 months or 6 years from now. We’ve always known that tomorrow isn’t a given but we never expected all the givens would be taken away. And yet, amidst the uncertainty, the fear, and heartbreaking injustice, people are rising up, coming together and forging a path forward. Because that’s what we do.
Despite my fear of failure I will move forward. Because I feel called to do this and I answered the call.
“So open up my eyes to a new light. I wandered ’round your darkened land all night. But I lift up my eyes to a new high and indeed there would be time.”
– Mumford & Sons + Baaba Maal, There will be time (if you haven’t heard this song, please listen to it immediately)